Empathic Listening
How can empathetic listening assist when listening to respond, listening to learn, listening to be with, or listening to connect in order to go from concord to confirmation and prevent the conversation from going from concord to consolidation. Provide an emotional context (e.g. when someone else is angry, when you are angry, when some else needs forgiveness, when you need forgiveness).

Language Processing and Perception Bias
: Distinguish the different impacts of real, literal, and abstract motion in the course of normal language processing and perception bias. Reference the Dils reading and one previous reading to support your response

Dils, A.T., & Boroditsky, L. (2010). Processing unrelated language can change what you see. Psychonomic Bulletin & Review. 17 (6), 882-888 doi:10.3758/PBR.17.6.882
Retrieved from: http://psych.stanford.edu/~lera/papers/goose-hawk.pdf

Discuss the Importance of Listening as a Tool to Design Effective Organizational Structure

An organization is a grouping of people, skills, and tasks designed to be the most effective use of time, talent, and treasure that is able to accomplish the mission or purpose of why the group has been organized. This is true from the very formal organizational structures of a school house and hospitals, regardless if there is a pyramid or family design, to rather informal organizations such as the Red Hat Society or Parent Teacher Association. Organizations and teams are struggling to balance the needs of people with the needs of the whole system. Miyahsiro boils these needs down to respect, harmony, and effectiveness (Miyashiro, 2011). Therefore the words, connectors between the parts of the organization, must come from a place of respect and intended to fit, or be harmonious with, what is going on in the present to lead to a more effective future. However, while the intention behind the words is often more critical than the words themselves, we can hear the same words from different people with completely different responses. Their intention, our history with them, and our own history separate from them, all contribute to what we think we hear.

To assure that the spokesperson and words match the listener best, we as conflict resolutionalist must approach each new situation from an empathetic perspective. Be aware however, that empathetic listening is not about being nice, but about effecting change and getting results though making requests out of our shared connection.

Distinguish Between Sympathetic Listening and Empathetic Listening

Empathetic listening is different from sympathetic listening. Sympathetic listening creates a connection between two people. As you listen you relate the situation to one that you may have experienced. You appreciate the struggle and the concern as you have been through a similar struggle.  Those who are sympathetic by nature work hard to assess situations through our framework and world experience. This is being sympathetic.
own, the others person’s truth and reaction whether that reaction be anger or joy, vengeance, or forgiveness. Marie R. Miyashiro (2011) noted that empathy is about being able to distinguish between what we are feeling and what others are feeling, and to recognize we are separate from them and their pain is not our pain. While being sympathetic is, in fact, a willingness to share and even perhaps validate the pain or reaction of the others in conversation.

All of us can grow and evolve as empathetic listeners, not only is it a key ‘soft skill’ of a conflict resolution specialist, but one that can assist in strengthening your connection with those around you. Try  to practice listening to hear not responding. Your silence will encourage the speaker to increase their amount of sharing. You may wish to practice listening to learn what the others are thinking, feeling, wanting, and needing, before you tell them how you are going to help. This waiting may not only change your offer to help, but may in the end help you to realize that perhaps the real help needed was to have a sounding board. Again, go deeper with practicing your listening skills to the level of listening to be with the other person or persons where they are, not where you are or where you want them to be. Knowing the level of readiness to hear from you, before you speak will help you shape your words, not to be nice, but to be heard. These listening practices will help you to be more connected with the others in the group without having to be one of them, this will also help you take their emotions, whether these emotions or reactions are anger or joy, forgiveness, or vengeance without approving of them or owning these emotions yourself. Can you practice this type of empathetic listening or do you believe (based upon your cultural upbringing and rewards received for acceptable behavior) that this type of listening is something you cannot learn or practice?

The Basic Principles of Non-violent Communication

Nonviolent Communication holds that most conflicts between individuals or groups arise from miscommunication about their needs and wants. This generally occurs when either party uses coercive or manipulative language that aims to induce fear or guilt. These modes of communication, when used during a conflict, divert the attention of the participants away from clarifying their needs, their feelings, their perceptions, and their requests, thus perpetuating the conflict. Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, published numerous training materials to help in efforts to bring about radical social change through the use of non-violent communication. Rosenberg concluded that certain ways of communicating tend to alienate people and therefore served as a block to the transformative power of conflict resolution. They focus the conflict on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what the parties need and want. These types of communication are generally judgmental (this generally includes blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticisms, comparisons, and diagnoses). They can also be experienced as a demand as in an ‘or else’, a denial of responsibility as in an ‘I had to’ because of my condition, diagnosis, history, actions of others (dictates of authority, group pressure, institutional rules), or a comparison between others and a premise of who is most deserving.

A Practice Model

Consider the “Concord-Conflict-Concord Cycle” model, which illustrates the impact of positive conflict management and negative conflict suppression. When conflict emerges and is addressed productively a six stage cycle can be observed. These stages are:

1. Concord – community based on unity and harmony where goal, value, source, personality differences and related tensions are held in check through implicit or explicit social contracts
2. Confusion – balance of unity and peace are threatened and suppressed tensions surface
3. Conflict – personality, value, goal, resource, pathway conflicts emerge
4. Consultation – community looks for leaders to improve communication of ideas and concerns, maintain contact, mediate, and negotiate
5. Conciliation – the person or process works towards compromise, collaboration, alliance, or divergence. Common interests are sought
6. Confirmation – collaboration or acceptable compromise is reached and renewed concord is celebrated

On the other hand, when conflict is suppressed or avoided rather than managed and transformed, the following stages may occur.

1. Concord – community based on unity and harmony where goal, value, resource, personality differences and related tensions are held in check through implicit or explicit social contracts
2. Consternation – anxiety emerges as suppressed tensions come to light and the threat of nonconformity, free thought, and rebellion surface. Limits of yielding to dominance or oppression are reached
3. Covert conflict – suppressed conflict manifests itself in covert acts and distrust and divisions intensify
4. Conspiracy – division is exemplified by the powerful party’s attempts to crush the resistance and demand conformity and the resisting party’s creation of a crisis
5. Coercion – division advances while the establishment tries to force conformity and the innovators demand change
6. Consolidation – the opposition is either oppressed and forced underground or it gains power, creates more division, and a new concord is united

The move from concord to confusion or consternation is inevitable. However, skilled leaders determine the primary focus of the conflict—goals, resources, values, personalities—and direct the resolution process, with a focus on respect, harmony and effectiveness. Goals may be defined as what the parties want in the situation, what do they want from each other and want for themselves. Resources may be defined as to what each party needs to feel in order to maintain their worth in the situation, what they need from each other to receive or obtain so as to maintain their worth. Values may be defined as those unspoken anchors from which our biases and prejudices emerged. They are feelings each party has as to what is right and fair as well as to what is wrong and selfish. Personalities may be defined as what each party thinks of themselves, each other, the world around them and how they express those thoughts.

When I first studied conflict and culture, many of these ideas were new to me. For example, I was taught that we should “separate the people from the problem” (Ury & Fisher, 1981), and empower the parties to resolve the issue. The process belongs to the conflict resolution specialist, but the resolution belongs to the conflicted parties. However, in most cultures the problem and the person must receive equal consideration because, in part, the personalities, the goals, the values, and the resources are intertwined with how each party defines respect, harmony, and effectiveness. Ignoring any aspect reduces the probability of resolution. The individual asked to mediate, facilitate, or to come to help resolve the conflict cannot discount the impact of culture during the resolution process.

As distasteful as conflict may be in some cultures, well-managed confrontation is necessary for the conflict to move towards mutually satisfactory resolution. Further, in the conciliation stage, respect for the ongoing relationship, as well as commitment to one’s own goals, is vital. Finally, participants should celebrate their win/win solution and the personal growth gained from the conflict experience. On the other hand, the negative cycle perpetuates ill will, division, and mistrust. In addition, when parties resort to conspiracy and coercion, the conflict becomes increasingly damaging and unmanageable.

Paradoxically, the conflict resolution specialist’s role may be one of both hero and villain. In fact, the experience of resolving conflict is one of stepping between colliding forces, competing wills, and clashing temperaments. However, only when the parties feel sufficiently safe to be vulnerable can the conflict be addressed in a culturally satisfying and sustainable manner. Conflict resolution and relationship transformation seek to equalize the power playing field and giving each party a voice. Expressing emotions and views has many advantages, not the least of which is to decrease cultural confusion and misunderstandings.
 

References:

Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Restoring the character ethic. New York: Free Press.